Alice in Zombieland II

If the Asylum club down town gets trashed by zombies, Jeanette will be really pissed off, and that's one loony I try not to get on the bad side of. Besides, its the best vamp club in the state. Plus, I haven't seen much action lately and a spot of violence before dinner is always a good way to work up an appetite. I drive to the back entrance of the club and park my bike by the back steps.

As I head up to the door, I hear gunfire inside. Looks like Alice and her team are already here. Hope they leave me something to do...

Inside, it is dark. The hall light is off or busted and it takes a sec for my eyes to adjust. When they do, I walk toward the office, gun in hand and listen for any unwanted guests in the area. All clear, I think as I reach for the doorknob and turn it.

As the door swings open, a large walker charges me. Man, I never knew they could be so fast. I give him a kick and knock him into the corner nearby and then turn on the light. As he charges again, I shoot him in the chest. Yeah, I know, you have to shoot the brain, but he was moving fast and he had caught me a bit off- guard. As he jumped to his feet again, I put one right in his forehead and he fell like a sack of potatoes.

Well, that was almost too easy I thought, and then I heard someone or something behind me, by the desk. I used a bit of supernatural speed to position myself behind it before it knew I was gone, and then ripped off its decaying head...

Ugh, zombie fluids are gross.

There was nothing else in the room but there was the sound of walkers coming down the hall, and I ran out there while flipping the lights on in the hall. The lights startled them and they did not see me running up to them, until it was too late... I ripped off two of their heads before the next one came down the hall growling and ready to fight...

"You want some too," I asked him, and as he paused to process my question I put a 9 between his eyes.
Sometimes it's just too easy...

As another walker came running down the hall I dropped him too, and then I saw another one fall at the end of the hall. The sound of gunfire had filled the air since before I came in and had just stopped at this point. The team on the other side of the club was congratulating each other and laughing as their area was clean...

Some of them were laughing loudly and the music turned on loudly.

"Let's dance," shouted K-mart and the other's laughed...

The walkers sneaking up behind me may have thought I would not hear them coming, but with the unlife comes the enhanced senses and speed. I could smell them coming before they even turned the corner. The rotting flesh and the bad breath and smell of death from their previous meals. Even a human could sense them.

As the first one came up to me, I turned around and yanked off his head and used it to hit the next one and knock him down. Then I grabbed his arm and pulled him to me so I could swiftly remove his head as well.

I knocked the next one in line back into the two behind him and as they were struggling to get back up, I shot the whole lot of them in the head.

"Fatality!" I said as they slumped to the floor and promptly croaked...

At the end of the hall was the biggest bloody zombie I have ever seen and it had watched the killings. Beast was pissed and roared as he charged me. In all the commotion I had lost my gun and looked about for it for a second. The beast had me in his claws by the time I was focused on it and lifted me into the air screaming at me. ugh, that breath...

As he tightened his grip a bit more, I kicked at his shins but they were too far away....

Suddenly, a shot rang out from the next room and his head splattered all over the wall. The monster dropped me and fell to the floor dead.

I looked down the hall and there was Alice putting her guns away as K-Mart ran to her side....

"You're welcome." she said as she turned to leave. "Place is clean. Let's go!" Alice walked away as Kay stood there looking at the carnage...

"You did all this alone?" she asked...

"Well, almost..." I tried to dust the zombie brains off my jacket and looked at all the blood and guts on the walls and ceilings and floors. "Consuela is going to kill me," I thought out loud...

Alice called from the dance floor, "Let's go Kay. They got Walkers in Hollywood!"

"Hollywood," said Kay. "Always wanted to go there." Kay ran to the door and left with the others.

I looked about the club at all the dead zombies and the holes in the walls...

"Bloody zombies." I kicked one of the dead walkers to relieve the frustration and then I began pulling the corpses outside and piling them up in the truck.

How come they never show how much work it takes to clean up the mess on the movies? I thought...

"Hope that is the last I ever see of these bloody zombies," I said as I was lighting a cigarette...

I took a drag off my comfort stick and went to get a bottle of bourbon from the desk drawer...

If I never see another zombie again it will be too soon....

You know sometimes I miss that Hellmouth...

Alice in Zombieland

Spike sat on a tombstone in a Santa Monica graveyard and lit up a smoke with his trusty Zippo lighter. He took a drag and let the smoke out slowly. He felt a little stressed and a good drag or two always took the edge off. He was having a little trouble from one of the boys at the chop shop so he was trying to talk himself into not gutting him and tossing the leftovers in the ocean.

As he took another drag, he heard a sound behind him in the distance. A loud shuffling noise. He thought to himself if they were trying to sneak up on him they were doing a terrible job. He sat his cigarette on the edge of a tombstone to get it later while reaching inside his jacket and taking a stake out of a secret pocket.

As the sounds came closer they got louder and Spike whizzed around to face them. Surprised to see a man eating zombie moving towards him, he slipped the stake back into his pocket and walked toward the gate. As he approached the entrance, another zombie was in his path and walking toward him.

As the new zombie moved closer, he took a gun from his coat and shot it promptly between the eyes. as the zombie fell to the ground, the one behind Spike was moving closer, and Spike turned to shoot him too.

"Sorry fella, I almost forgot to give you your gift. Merry Christmas..."

Spike shot the first zombie in the head and it fell to the ground. Then he heard another one coming from the tombstones. "What the bloody hell is going on?" He aimed at the new zombie, then he heard a shot come from the gate. As the zombie fell back, a female voice explained, "The dead are walking."

"Oh really? And who are you?" Spike asked as he looked around to see if there were any more surprises around.

"Name's Alice," the girl said. "I used to work for Umbrella."

"Umbrella? The big pharmaceutical company?"

"The same," said Alice.

"So the walking dead festival is???" asked Spike.

"Umbrella experiments gone awry. Don't worry my team can handle it."

"Team?"

Alice spoke into a mic on her ear. "All quiet here."

Another girl came up to them carrying a gun, cute blonde. Spike thought she looked a bit young to be fighting zombies tho.

"Well, if you've got it controlled," said Spike.

"We've got activity in town. The Asylum is full of walkers," said the young girl.

"Kay," Alice introduced Kay to Spike.

"Spike," he introduced himself to them.

"Its short for K Mart actually," the girl shook Spike's hand. Spike looked puzzled so she explained. "That's where I was when they found me."

"Oh." Spike smiled, pretending to understand.

"Now tell me something Spike," Alice said cocking her guns that she had just reloaded and aiming them both at Spike. "Why do you not have a pulse?"

"Relax, luv. Not one of your walkers here or a bloody lab rat either. Haven't been a lab rat for a long time. Name's Spike, undead Hunter and I am on your side. Don't have any use for the walking dead. I own a chop shop down town and drop by from time to time to collect my share. Not a threat, luv."   

"Can we keep him?" asked K.

"No, and I am watching you vamp," said Alice.   

"Vampire. Haven't seen any of those before," said K.   

"Let's roll out," says Alice as she leads K toward the gate.   

"Mind if I tag along?" asked Spike.      

"Oh, Hell no," said Alice. "Got enough biters to deal with."  

"No worries luv. I don't bite."  Spike smiled. 

"Yeah right," said Alice rolling her eyes.    

"Any way friend of mine owns the Asylum and she asked me to keep an eye on it." Spike walks to his bike. "See you there."  

"Just don't get in my way. blood sucker." said Alice.   

The Legend of Bloody Willow

My name is Randy Giles.
I am a vampire hunter known for many miles.
My girlfriend Joan and I fight vampires.
She is very strong and seldom tires.

Joan is like a superhero.
Trouble follows her wherever she goes.
They call her the slayer.
The chosen one.

Rupert is her trainer and I am his son.
A vamp with a soul. A noble demon from hell.
Rupert owns a magic shop
In a burb called Sunnydale.

We were on patrol one night my girl Joan and I.
When we heard a scream and ran to literally see who died.
Willow Harris was cornered in the graveyard by some vamps.
When Joan the slayer jumped right in and slayed them like a champ.

When the dust had settled.
We found Willow dying by a grave.
Joan wanted to take her and get help but it was too late.
The only way that Willow could survive that awful night
Was if I turned her from dying teen to dark childe.

So quickly I bit my arm
And let her taste my blood.
And as she died she was reborn
To stalk and prey upon her hood.

Now there's no peace in Sunnydale.
Willow joined Angelis' gang.
It isn't safe to walk the streets at night
Since Bloody Willow came.

But the vampires' days are numbered here.
They soon shall be exiled
By the legendary warrior Joan
And her boyfriend Randy Giles.

Return to Sunnydale

Nothing was left but a huge crater. A canyon they called Sunnydale Canyon. The
township of Sunnydale was gone.

Thirteen days passed and then the trucks
came. And the workers. A foundation was laid at the bottom of the
canyon.

Thirteen months passed and the new facility was almost done. The new
lab was creating hundreds of jobs even before it opened.

Police were
concerned about the alarming reports of bat, wolf, and Racoon attacks. And
workers were plagued by flies and mosquitoes.

The Raccoons were going through
the garbage every night and soon the workers were calling the plant Raccoon city.
The name stuck.
There were record high accident rates and mysterious
disappearances. Some workers were torn apart at night by wolves.

The first
buildings in the city were designed to be underground to conserve energy and
protect the people from bad weather.

Once the underground city was complete
the canyon was filled with dirt to keep the city cooler.

The Umbrella
Corporation was one of the most successful companies in the industry. They drew
many people to Raccoon city.
Now any city with a lot of people is going to
have some demons and vampires among other things.

I met Mic and Gabe in
a club in Santa Monica called The Asylum. Seemed an appropriate name as it was
full of vampires.
The elder vamps wanted to explore the ruins of Sunnydale
and take what treasure was left behind. Seeing as I had nothing planned for the
next hundred years or so I thought what the hell and went along.

The new
city was growing fast above ground. People were moving in and starting new lives
unaware that the town there before them had disappeared into a gateway to Hell.

The only way
to get to the ruins now was through a magic portal in the sewers. Place smelled like bloody hell.

Michael had
compelled a demon to lead us to the city. The entrance was well hidden but the
demon knew where it was. Small chap name of L'Tiangle. I like to call 'im T. T
was a greedy lil prat so we had to watch 'im and our wallets closely.

T led us to tbe location of the portal where he had cast the spell and used the command word to open the portal. Gabe went in first.....

The houses and shops had been pillaged by demons til there was almost
nothing left. Also the place was crawling with vamps during the night who were hiding from
the sunlight by day.

Sunny d had become the city of the undead i thought. And
about that time a vamp attacked T and tried to bleed him dry. Mic drew his sword
and beheaded the beast.
Mic and his friends weren't your average demons.
They were elder demons and high up on the food chain; most demons knew better
than to mess with them. Stupid bugger, I thought as I passed by the vamp, who
was turning to dust.
Someone had turned the lights on and the street was lit up like bloody Christmas.

As we passed the
Magic Box I heard a scream and a huge man eating bunny rabbit ran out of the
building as a fire ball hit it and burnt its fur. A vengeance demon came to the
door to throw another fireball but the bunny was gone around the corner. It was
Anyanka. "DAMNED BUNNIES" She said. " I hate rabbits"
Anya looked at me and
smiled.

"Hi Spike" she hugged me.
 "An youre alive."
"Well, they gave me a choice.
Vengeance demon or the bunny cage. and I hate bunnies."
"And now i know why luv," I told her. I looked for the eight foot bunny but it was gone.
"O it will come back. They always come back. dam rabbit. What you doing here Spike?"

"Looking for buried treasure" I told her.
"Oh, you're a pirate now."
T looked in the door of the magic shop.
"What are you doing?" An asked him
closing the door.
"That's T. He led us here."
"I see. Well pleased to
meet you mister. . . T" An smiled.
"God its been thirteen years now. How the bloody hell are you luv?"
"busy busy busy you know. Vengeance never
rests." she smiled and looked at the door. I come back here to use the safe
sometimes you know."

"You in town for long luv?" I asked.
"I have a lot of business in the middle east but I will be back soon." she smiled.
"K well I will see you then"
An went inside and closed the door as we continued
towards the bank. A man screamed in agony from inside the shop.

It was good to see a familiar face again, but I almost felt sorry for the poor bugger
in the shop. What kind of agony was she putting him through I wondered?
A couple of blocks later we came to the richest building in town, the Sunnydale
Bank. It was not surprising that it was surrounded by goblins. They love
treasure you know.
A couple of them charged us, but Michael compelled them to
defend us and soon half the army was killing the other half for us. I hardly had
to lift my sword...

Once the fight was over, we left our bodyguards
outside and strolled inside the bank. Sitting on a golden throne in front of the
vault was none other than Mammon himself. Demon of Greed and god of the greedy.
I chuckled to myself as I recalled encountering him before and dubbing him
Mammorys as his body fat count was terribly high and he had a large set of man
boobs on him.
"Get out," Mammon growled at us and sent his bodyguards
toward us. The large hulking Fyarl daemons came towards us and Mic cut the first
one up into little pieces.
"The leader of the Fyarl demons ordered the
others to attack, but i asked him why he was defending Mammon and he looked at
me...
"You speak Fyarl?" he asked me in disbelief.
"Well yes" i told him.
"Uganda too, long story. Anyway, why are you protecting this lowlife scum?"
I pointed to Mammon.
"He promised us a portion of the loot, " the Fyarl
replied.
"Oh I see,.. well, if you help us, you will get an equal share each
AND live to tell about it, yeah?"
The Fyarl looked at each other and then
turned and charged Mammon, who promptly screamed and vanished in a puff of
smoke...
Then the Fyarl turned and looked at us. Mic looked in the leaders
eyes for a moment then told him to kill the others.

"Hey, not cool," I told
him.
"What you want to share the booty with all of them?" Michael asked.

At the moment all I could think about was cutting off his head, but I
decided to let it slide as the Fyarl would have probably killed us in our sleep
anyway...

Inside the vault was tons of gold and treasures, I saw a shiny gold ring that seemed to call to me after filling my bags with gold coins. As I picked it up I noticed that it was gold and had a symbol on the side. The symbol of infinity. Inscribed inside the ring was the word "Eternus" in italics. Nice ring, I thought as I tried it on and although it seemed to be a bit too large for me at first, it fit perfectly. Finders keepers, right? When I put it on, I felt much stronger than before. Later, I learned that the ring not only increased my strength, but it made me almost invulnerable, even to sunlight. I call it the daywalker ring.

We loaded up our bags with treasure and then Mic told the
Fyarl to stay and guard the rest until we got back. Then we left Sunnydale and
headed for home.

I peaked in the Magic Box on the way out, but all that was
there were some torture instruments covered in blood.
It would be good to see
my flat in Santa Monica again I thought...

One Halloween Night

One Halloween night, Buffy was on patrol in the graveyard, when suddenly Drusilla and Darla attacked her from behind with 666 other vamps. it was a struggle at first, but then Faith and Blade and Willow and Oz and Xander and Anya and Cordelia and Angel and Conner and the charmed ones joined the fight. They slew the bad guys in no time.

Then Angel looked worried. “Its halloween,” he said. “tonight the lawyers sacrifice to the dark lords of  the netherworld.”

The source appeared near them in a puff of smoke.

“Now that i have you all together, i can crush you with one blow.”

Faith jumped behind the source and tapped him on the head with a stake. “I dont think so,” she said.

Then the charmed ones appeared behind her. with a white lighter and a powerful demon who was a friend of theirs.

“Not if we can help it,” they said.

“Think you can take us all,” asked Angel?
Then a green demon hunter walked up beside angel and stared viciously at the source.

“How dare you turn on me,” said the Source. “i created you… and cable tv too. What would you do on a Tuesday night without me," asked the dark lord?
Then suddenly the lawyers surrounded them with rifles.

“What do you want us to do with them?” asked the senior partner and high priest.
“Oh,” said the source. “just kill them. kill them all.” then the source disappeared.

“Ok shoot them,” said the senior partner. the lawyers aimed their rifles. suddenly all of them froze.
then Piper said, “You know what, i’m thirsty lets go to my place for some cocoa.”

“OK,” said everyone, and they all walked toward the charmed ones’ home.
“Hey Piper,” asked Phoebe as they left the field. “what about them?” Phoebe motioned to the lawyers frozen behind them.

“O yes i forgot,” said Piper. she unfroze the lawyers and they all shot each other.
“Bad guys are so stupid,” said Buffy. and they all laughed.